Yearning salvation

I don't question your actions towards me anymore. I still don't understand them, but I'm accepting them, in the most difficult way there is.      

I won't back down for what I have to say, my mind is free and so am I.    

You insult me, directly and indirectly. You kick me in the guts, hard, but with your words.
You say you love me, but I concluded that through your actions, you don't.

If you're mad, you throw it on me, all your rage, spilled right at me.
You always take my words in the most inaccurate meaning there is.

My only question to you is "Why?"
Why are you doing this to me?
Why are you shredding my heart into pieces?
Am I not enough, as I am?
For everything I say or comment on, you twist it so it can lay in the other direction, the wrong direction.

My tears fill the pages I'm writing on. My coffee starting to get cold, and so is my heart.
You break me to pieces.

Laying down now, all I can think about is your words. Your venomous words.
"You'll never be good enough for anyone"
"All your friends and family will walk away from you if you continue having this ugly personality of yours"
"Why is your heart so filled with hatred and rage?"
And this only shreds my overwhelmed heart to smaller bits.

I've changed a lot, don't know though if I'm a better or a worst person than I've been before.

But my heart isn't the same anymore?

Though I crave your love so hard, I stopped feeling. I can't feel that tingle of joy when something exciting happens, or the shiver of sadness when grief strikes.
I'm a person woth perhaps no true emotions.

Call me a stack of waste.
Hopeless and un fixable.