A sad matter..

I’ve reached to that same point of my life where everything is falling apart again. I try to rise from one issue just to see myself falling into another.  

Twists and turns...

Breakdowns...

Disappointments...

I’ve taught myself not to care anymore; I’ve been trying to hold back my tears. Been trying to hide away my heartaches.

They say talk about it, they say let it out, and sometimes I do, but it doesn’t do me any good. 

Why break another person’s heart? 

Why cause pain to another soul, a soul who is left with their own problems and heartaches.

I’m crying, but only from the inside. I can feel my heart tearing apart. I can see my life breaking down into pieces right before my eyes. Because just when I see myself rise and feel contempt, I fall back down. 

This isn’t an act of depression, this isn’t me being ungrateful, this is me being fed up from falling.

On one hand, its when someone doesn’t see potential in you, and not just anyone, but its those closest to you. How am I expected to do that for my own self? I’d lose interest in doing anything after it!

On the other hand it's when I let what society thinks of me affect me; affect my mindset and my well-being.  When people talk, never mind it being completely wrong, but when they talk they show you no mercy, they do it just for the sake of talking and starting a conversation, like peoples’ life is a subject to talk about, like that person you just talked about would affect your life in any aspect. 

For crying out loud would you stop it already!

And then it’s that moment when you finally let your guard down and let someone in. You feel comfortable at first, you think that maybe earth isn’t a bad place to live on after all, and you give it time just to see that you were completely wrong … No one is worth it.  

I now came to realize that keeping a distance between people is much better. Don’t tell them your dreams, don’t share with them your special moments, simply don’t let anyone in. Its too hard to stomach once it comes crashing down.

To those of you who are reading this right now, you’d probably feel sorry for me, but believe me dear soul, I once had faith in humanity, I believed, I saw the good in people and sometimes still do, but I’ve reached my limit. I can’t bear what’s going on in this world any longer.

People are being taken for granted, like not a single soul matters but yourself. They have lost the meanings to family, friendships, love, trust, and respect! Nothing is worth fighting for anymore!

If you messed up, you’re out; a single mistake erases all the good that you’ve done.  Maybe what I’m going through isn’t as bad as what you went through, but it’s still something, isn’t it?

Why is it that every time I come to talk about how down I’m feeling you start by comparing your problems to mine?

You start by saying that I’m too young to feel this way?

Was it ever stated that there’s an age limit to feeling sad, to feeling worthless, or to maybe entering the stage of depression?

Where are you now when I need you the most?

When will you support me?

Remember that time when you needed me and I stood by you? 

Remember when you felt your heartache? 

But when I’m feeling down you’re nowhere to be found...

Owh!

It really is sad now that I’ve come to think about it, how words are the closest thing to comforting me…